Sit And Listen To The Rain
by kandyshipper
Summary: A phonecall, Kirsten has a crisis of confidence, Jimmy listens. Precanon, oneshot.


Title: Sit And Listen To The Rain  
Fandom: The O.C.  
Author: Femslashqueen  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters/Pairings: Jimmy, Kirsten, Jimmy/Kirsten, Sandy/Kirsten, Jimmy/Julie  
Archive: If you ask first  
Spoilers: Kinda for _The Ties That Bind_  
Disclaimer: Not mine, still Josh's  
A/N: Killing two plot bunnies with one stone, I hope the dialogue is okay, dialogue is probably my weakest point as a writer and this fic is full of it, pre-canon, mentions of abortion and other potentially unsettling events, angst, lots of angst, one-shot

Jimmy is startled awake by the shrill ringing of the telephone that sits on the nightstand, he isn't quite sure what time it is but he is aware that it is still very late, or early and that phone calls at this hour are never good, he picks up the phone, despite the shock, staying awake is a struggle.

"Hello." He says groggily into the receiver.

"Hey Jimmy." He immediately recognizes the voice of his ex-girlfriend, she sounds distant, distracted, confused or sad, he can't quite put a finger on it but the tone of her voice combined with the timing of her call scares him, he is glad that Julie is sleeping in the spare room tonight, something about the room being like a furnace, he was half-asleep when she stormed out what he presumes was hours ago now.

"Are you okay Kirsten?" he asks hoping his slight, almost involuntary annoyance at been woken up at whatever ungodly hour it happens to be doesn't creep into his voice.

"I'm fine, I, I just couldn't sleep, Sandy's not here, he's in New York visiting his mother, who hates me almost as much as my dad hates Sandy, how's Julie?" she rambles unconvincingly, he can imagine her sitting on her couch in the dark, her slightly shaking left hand compulsively twirling her hair between her thumb and forefinger.

"Julie's…Still pregnant." He answers dryly, wanting to avoid further discussion of Julie, still a sore point in their new-found friendship, the reason they eventually broke up although the end had been a long time coming, prolonged by apathy and the misconception that things would eventually get back to the way they used to between them.

"I didn't wake her up did I? I didn't even think about her, when I rang, I guess I wasn't really thinking…" she trails off.

"Kirsten, its fine Julie's sleeping in the other room; apparently our bedroom is too hot for her. Now what's going on with you and don't say nothing, I know you too well." He says, he wants her to tell him what's going on he hates being kept in the dark and more so he still feels the need to protect her, he isn't sure weather this is a friend thing, that he would feel with anyone close to him or something that comes from having loved her, specifically for so long, still loving her even though they have both moved on.

"Um, I should have never rung, at least not now, it's too late, and I'm sure you have to be somewhere in the morning, I know I do, I have class at eight, nothing is wrong, I promise Jimmy." She says breathlessly, her voice thick with unshed tears.

"Kirsten, I want to…" she cuts him off before he has a chance to finish.

"I'm pregnant." She half-sobs her voice barely above a whisper, "I don't know what to do, I'm not ready for this but I can't do it again."

Jimmy's thinks his heart will break as he listens to her sobbing; it's been a little over five years since they had had what was basically a slight variation of this exact same conversation. She was 17 and he was 18 and there was just no way they could have had a baby, not then, she cried for a week after the abortion, now he wants to cry for her, having to go through this again, he even wants to cry for his lost child. Even though they weren't ready, even though they didn't want to go through with the pregnancy, a decision they made together in the end, he still imagines what it might have been like to have a baby with Kirsten, to still be with her, truth be told it was probably the beginning of the end for them. He thinks of Julie in the next room and immediately feels guilty.

"Have you told Sandy yet?" he asks her already knowing the answer, why would she be ringing him in the middle of the night, why would Sandy even be in New York if he knew?

"I can't." She croaks through her tears.

"Why?" He asks, wishing he could be with her right now, holding her, telling her over and over again that everything will be okay.

"Because he'll want this, he has been talking about having kids since pretty much the day we met, I can't say 'Sandy, I'm pregnant, but I can't have this baby, not now.' It's different this time Jimmy and anyway I can't not have this baby, I can't go through another abortion." She says the last part of this ramble with determination.

"You have to tell him, what else are you going to do? Break up with Sandy; come back to Newport, live with me and Julie, hide from your father, have the baby and adopt it out?" He says with a slightly sarcastic tone, partially to lighten the mood a little and partly point out that she had very few options.

"Sounds like a plan, when can I move in." she says a slight laugh through her sobs.

"Seriously Kirsten, you have to tell him, how far along are you?" He asks, voice taking on a more serious tone.

"I know I have to tell him. I'm about 11 weeks, maybe 12, I've kind of know for a while though, I didn't go to the doctor until yesterday so I wouldn't have the option of making a choice." She says quietly, he can hear the something, maybe the back of a chair banging lightly against the wall and knows that she is rocking herself back and forth, an old nervous habit of hers.

He is about to speak when she continues, "I want this baby, I do Jimmy, I'm just so scared that I'll fuck up, can't even look after Hailey for an afternoon without something bad happening and she is 12, how am I supposed to look after a baby?"

"Kirsten, that was seven years ago, and it was an accident, it could have happened to anyone." He says and his heart breaks a little more for her, he remembers it as if it was yesterday, she was babysitting Hailey and he was with her, they lying beside the Nichol's pool and Hailey was being a typically annoying five year old, yelling "Look at me" every two seconds as she jumped into the pool, they were trying their best to ignore her and didn't see Hailey hit her head against the side of the pool as she jumped in, she was underwater, unconscious for maybe a minute before either of them noticed the sudden silence, when they had noticed Kirsten had frozen to the spot, she couldn't even scream, it was Jimmy that dived into the pool and pulled Hailey out, started EAR, when she wasn't breathing, screamed for help, the maid called 911, Hailey was fine in the end but it was touch and go for a few days and it forever changed Kirsten's relationship with her father, who couldn't understand how she had let it happen.

"It doesn't change the fact that she nearly drowned." She had stopped crying for a second but now she is sobbing again.

"Does Sandy know about this, maybe if he understands why you are so scared, he could understand your point of view a little better" He says wishing he could help he wants to make her less afraid, he knows that the fear and anxiety she is feeling is natural, even Julie who claims to be the most prepared person in the world for motherhood despite the fact the is only 18, claims that because her parents were a how-not-to manual on parenting that she will get everything right, has occasional crises of confidence, Kirsten's fears unlike Julie's have a focal point and that that day and possibly her father's attitude since have scarred her to the extent that they have devastates him.

"No, I always thought that he would think less of me, family is so important to him and my sister almost died because of me." She whispers.

"He won't think less of you, I don't and I don't even think your dad does. I think you need to stop talking to me and ring Sandy?" He says stifling a yawn.

"Are you sure he won't think I'm an idiot for letting it happen?" she says uncertainly.

"Positive. What time is it? " He replies assertively as he can while trying not to yawn.

"It's 4am and I will ring him, it's 7am in New York, I know he'll be up, he accidentally rung me at 3am to say good morning the first night he was there." She says with a slight laugh.

"Bye Kirsten." He fakes a yawn as he says it, knowing that she'll try and stall the goodbyes.

"Thank you. I think I know what I'm going to do now." She says sounding slightly more secure with herself.

"I think I know too." He says smiling, knowing that she had really made her mind up weeks ago.

"Bye Jimmy." She says and he hangs up the phone, falling asleep before his head hits the pillow, he dreams of their children playing together.


End file.
